Act III, Scene 5 — Falstaff's Account of the Thames
from The Merry Wives of Windsor
Written by William Shakespeare
Sir John Falstaff recounts his humiliating ordeal of being smuggled out of a house in a laundry basket and tossed into the River Thames. He complains about the indignity of the situation and his physical aversion to drowning.
FALSTAFF: Have I lived to be carried in a basket like a barrow of butcher’s offal? And to be thrown in the Thames? Well, if I be served such another trick, I’ll have my brains ta’en out and buttered, and give them to a dog for a New Year’s gift. The rogues slighted me into the river with as little r
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