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    Comedy

    Julia Invents a Bully for Ivy

    from Motherland

    Written by Holly Walsh & Sharon Horgan & Graham Linehan & Helen Linehan

    Julia attempts to blame a five-year-old for bullying her daughter to cover her own tracks, but panics when the headmistress tries to call the boy's mother.

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    Scene PreviewExcerpt — subscribe to read full scene

    MRS. LAWSON

    ...Ivy didn’t mention anything about being bullied.

    JULIA

    Well, that’s... classic victim behaviour.

    MRS. LAWSON

    Who’s doing this?

    JULIA

    Leo... Martin.

    MRS. LAWSON

    Leo Martin? That’s very surprising. You know he’s five?

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    Scene Notes & Audition Tips

    5 sections
    About This Scene

    This contemporary television comedy scene from Motherland, written by Holly Walsh & Sharon Horgan & Graham Linehan & Helen Linehan, unfolds in a headmistress's office. Julia attempts to cover her own tracks by falsely accusing a five-year-old pupil of bullying her daughter. The situation rapidly derails when the headmistress takes the claim seriously and attempts to call the child's mother immediately.

    Character Analysis

    Julia is an anxious parent who relies on frantic social posturing, digging herself deeper into an impossible lie out of sheer pride and panic. Mrs. Lawson represents dry, bureaucratic authority, treating every claim with methodical seriousness that inadvertently traps Julia in her story. Janet enters with earnest concern for the accused boy, providing a grounded reality check that forces Julia to embellish her accusations to increasingly ridiculous extremes before she finally cuts her losses and flees.

    Why This Works for Auditions

    The piece offers exceptional comedic momentum that builds through escalating stakes rather than broad physical gags. It allows actors to demonstrate high-level comic timing, active listening, and the ability to maintain conversational realism while delivering delightfully absurd justifications. Casting directors can immediately see a performer's facility with awkward, status-driven sitcom dialogue and their capacity to play desperation without playing for cheap laughs.

    Best Suited For

    This three-person scene is ideal for actors aged 35 to 45 preparing for self-tapes, agent showcases, or general comedic practice. It serves as a sharp vehicle for performers playing Leading Lady, Comic Relief, Authority Figure, Working Class, or Everyman casting types who want to show off grounded contemporary comedy.

    Performance Tips

    Keep the stakes life-or-death for Julia rather than acknowledging the joke, as the humor thrives on her genuine terror of being exposed. Mrs. Lawson and Janet must play the situation with straight-faced professional concern, which makes the mounting tension unbearable for their counterpart. Ensure the shifts in tempo remain crisp, particularly the sudden transition between Julia encouraging the phone call and abruptly intervening to end the conversation.

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