LUBA: I stood there in front of the desk, staring at the secretary—she was getting nervous by now—I pulled myself together. Christ, old Jack is not worth losing my mind over. I leaned forward. I put both my hands down on her desk. The secretary leaned toward me. She was ready to listen. I was ready to speak. I was gaining confidence. I said to myself…
Act I — The Secretary's Desk — The Lady and the Clarinet
Luba recounts a humiliating attempt to confront her ex-lover at his office, which resulted in her vomiting on his secretary's desk. She reflects on her lack of grace and her subsequent attempt to move on with a plumber.
Format: Monologue · Genre: Comedy-Drama · Source: The Lady and the Clarinet · Author: Michael Cristofer · Characters: Luba
About This Scene
This comedic-drama monologue, "Act I — The Secretary's Desk," features Luba as she vividly recounts a highly embarrassing encounter. The scene details her ill-fated attempt to confront an ex-lover at his workplace, which culminates in an unexpected and mortifying incident involving his secretary's desk. It beautifully showcases a character grappling with humiliation and the messy aftermath of a breakup, all while attempting to regain some semblance of composure.
Character Analysis
Luba is a vulnerable and somewhat neurotic individual experiencing the raw pain and indignity of a recent breakup. Her attempt to confront her ex, though ultimately disastrous, reveals a desire for closure and perhaps a desperate plea for recognition. Despite her outward confidence in the moment she describes, her internal state is one of fragility, bordering on the overwhelmed, which is humorously exposed by her physical reaction. Her subsequent endeavor to move on with a plumber suggests a resilient, if somewhat haphazard, approach to rebuilding her life.
Why This Works for Auditions
This monologue is an excellent choice for auditions because it seamlessly blends comedic timing with a genuine sense of human vulnerability. It provides ample opportunity for an actor to demonstrate a wide range of emotions, from initial anger and attempted self-possession to mortification and a touch of self-deprecating humor. The storytelling aspect allows for dynamic vocal and physical choices, making it a compelling showcase for an actor's ability to engage an audience with a narrative.
Best Suited For
This scene is particularly well-suited for female actors aged 25-35 looking to highlight their versatility in both comedic and dramatic roles. It's ideal for those who can embody a "Young Professional" or "Everyman" type while also showcasing a comedic flair and deep emotional undercurrents. Its contemporary setting and relatable themes of heartbreak and public embarrassment make it a strong pick for drama school auditions, agent showcases, and self-tapes where a nuanced performance is desired.
Performance Tips
When performing this monologue, focus on Luba's internal journey rather than just the outward recounting of events. Explore the ebb and flow of her emotions: the initial determination to confront, the building anxiety, the brief moment of perceived control, and the sudden, overwhelming humiliation. Pay attention to pacing, allowing moments of comedic build-up before the punchline, and then delve into the vulnerable reflection that follows. Use pauses and vocal shifts to convey her internal turmoil and the ironic humor of the situation, ensuring the audience feels both her embarrassment and her resilience.