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monologue
comedy

Sardines and the Phone

from Noises Off

Written by Michael Frayn

Noises Off

A exasperated, busy, slightly confused Dotty's monologue from "Noises Off" by Michael Frayn.

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DOTTY

“It’s no good you going on. I can’t open sardines and answer the phone. I’ve only got one pair of feet. Hello…. Yes, but there’s no one here, love…. No, Mr. Brent’s not here…He lives here, yes, but he don’t live here now because he lives in Spain… Mr. Philip Brent, that’s right…. The one who writes the plays, that’s him, only now he writes them in Spain……

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Scene Notes & Audition Tips

5 sections
About This Scene

This comedic monologue features Dotty, a perpetually busy and somewhat flustered housekeeper, grappling with a demanding phone call while attempting to manage her household duties. The scene captures her exasperation as she tries to communicate with a persistent caller seeking the absent homeowners, all while juggling the mundane task of opening a can of sardines. It’s a classic example of Frayn’s genius in creating relatable characters caught in farcical, everyday predicaments.

Character Analysis

Dotty is a character defined by her well-meaning but often overwhelmed disposition. She truly wants to be helpful and efficient, but life, and particularly the demands of others, frequently get in the way, leading to her signature exasperation and slight confusion. She possesses a down-to-earth sensibility, grounded in the realities of daily chores, which contrasts humorously with the increasingly absurd situations she finds herself in. Her age range of 40s-60s suggests a woman with life experience, perhaps a bit set in her ways, but whose underlying good nature shines through despite her stress.

Why This Works for Auditions

This monologue is an excellent choice for auditions as it immediately showcases an actor's ability to handle comedic timing and physical comedy within a vocal performance. The rapid-fire dialogue, coupled with the implied multi-tasking, allows for a dynamic and engaging presentation. Its self-contained nature means an actor can fully explore the character's journey of frustration to bewilderment within a concise timeframe, making a strong impression on casting directors.

Best Suited For

This piece is ideally suited for character actors and those specifically looking to demonstrate their comedic range. It's perfect for performers who can embody a sense of bustling energy and relatable stress, and who excel at physical comedy, even if subtly implied through vocal delivery. Actors comfortable playing matriarchal figures or providing comic relief will find Dotty a natural fit for their strengths.

Performance Tips

When approaching Dotty, focus on the underlying physical activity implied by her lines; the "sardines" are not just a line, but a physical presence in her hands, influencing her vocal delivery and pacing. Emphasize her growing exasperation and slight confusion through varied vocal inflections, allowing her increasing fluster to build naturally. Don't be afraid to lean into the comedic timing provided by the repetition and the absurdity of her situation, ensuring that Dotty's humanity and underlying good intentions remain evident despite her stress.

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