The Opera Lovers Convention

Written by the celebrated screenwriting team of Billy Wilder & I.A.L. Diamond, this comedic monologue comes from the acclaimed modern-classic film Some Like It Hot. The scene features crime boss Bonaparte addressing an assembly of hardened gangsters masquerading as high-society opera enthusiasts during the height of Prohibition. Running approximately two minutes, this sharp piece allows an actor to deliver a corporate-style keynote address packed with dark irony, criminal pride, and comedic authority.

Bonaparte is a formidable syndicate leader in his fifties who runs organized crime like a legitimate corporate enterprise. He exudes total command, unshakeable confidence, and the vanity of a veteran mobster who appointed himself president and expects absolute loyalty. While presenting an outward image of civic virtue and business acumen, his underlying menace remains unmistakable whenever he must snap into line any rival who dares question his control.

Audition panels frequently encounter standard dramatic mobster speeches, which makes this brilliant satire from an Oscar-winner and Golden Globe-winner immediately memorable. The text provides wonderful tonal transitions between charismatic public speaking, deadpan business euphemisms, and sudden, razor-sharp intimidation. It allows performers to display flawless comedic timing without ever descending into broad caricature, demonstrating that they can anchor smart comedy with genuine gravitas.

This piece is exceptionally well suited for mature male character actors in the forty-five to fifty-five age bracket. It serves as an ideal calling card for actors targeting casting types like the criminal mastermind, the polished villain, the deceptive patriarch, or the imposing authority figure. Performers will find it equally effective for a drama-school-audition showcase, an agent-showcase presentation, or rigorous general-practice scene work.

Deliver the speech with complete, earnest sincerity rather than leaning into the absurdity of the situation. Bonaparte thoroughly believes his illicit operation represents a vital pillar of the American economy, so deliver his points with the measured pride of a successful executive. When demanding deference from recalcitrant associates, let the conversational charm vanish instantly into quiet, dangerous power, creating a sharp contrast that makes the comedy land cleanly.